10 Lessons from the “talking stage”

In 2020, many people have said one or two things about the talking stage. Incase you have no idea what the term ‘talking stage’ mean, don’t worry, I gat you.

The talking stage is basically the period where two people who have expressed a mutual romantic interest in each other, get to know each other on a level deeper than friendship, to help them decide the next steps (i.e. if they’ll start a relationship or not).

In simple terms, you’re talking constantly with the person, hanging out and chatting pretty regularly, but the relationship is not officially defined.

However, in recent times, the talking stage has become a term used to avoid commitment. Some people just stay in the talking stage with no intention to really commit because they are getting everything they would get out of a real relationship without the label and the exclusivity.

You’ll hear things like;

“Let’s go with the flow.”

“Let’s see how it goes.”

“Let’s take things slow.”

Sounds familiar?

It can be really difficult to determine where things actually go. Sometimes it grows into something beautiful; while sometimes it ends in premium tears.

It doesn’t have to end in tears for you (at least not anymore).

Personally, I think we shouldn’t avoid the talking stage. Why?

• You learn more about the person you are talking with.
• You fully explore your connection with the person you’re talking with.
• This is the stage you’ll use to look out for any red flags (deal breakers).
• You’ll know if they’ll be a compatible partner for you.
• You’ll learn more about yourself.
• You will learn more about what you require in a potential/compatible partner.

However, the talking stage is not a manual that will outline everything about the person you’re talking with, because people reveal themselves after some time and they change (it’s natural).

I have been in quite a number of talking stages that didn’t lead to serious commitments like I anticipated. However, I learnt from each of the experiences.

There aren’t necessarily rules that everyone in the “talking” stage are obligated to follow. Regardless, I’m sharing these important lessons to keep in mind while in the “talking stage” so you can have a better experience.

Now to the lessons…

1. Do not set expectations

Don’t feel that because you are in the talking stage with someone it must lead to a relationship. People can grow apart after a period of time. It’s only natural. The fact that you’re in a talking stage doesn’t mean he/she is the one. Just have an open mind so you don’t experience heart break. After all, there is no defined relationship yet.

2. Define what you want

Be honest about what you want. If you’d like to take thing to the next stage, let them know and look out for their response. If the feeling is mutual, they’ll let you know. If it’s not, they’ll also let you know (directly or indirectly). While if you don’t wish to take things to the next step, let them know politely so they don’t waste their time.

3. Avoid giving relationship benefits

If you’re in a talking stage, don’t give relationship benefits. By relationship benefits, it could mean anything you feel should be exclusive with someone you’re serious with not any random person. Talking stage is not a relationship. When you start giving relationship benefits, they may see little or no need to make it exclusive. If you’re the type that get emotionally attached easily, when you start giving relationship benefits, you may feel heart broken when things don’t work out.

4. Set clear boundaries

Don’t be afraid to set clear boundaries right from the beginning. Clearly communicate your likes and dislikes to avoid unnecessary misunderstanding.

5. Don’t assume anything

Until you both define the relationship, don’t assume anything. That’s a recipe for disaster. Why a lot of people are confused about whether or not they are in the talking is because a lot of assumptions are made. If someone hasn’t expressly said they are romantically interested in you and what to be in a relationship with you, then don’t assume.

6. Don’t make excuses for anyone

If they directly or indirectly let you that they are not ready to take it to the next stage, do yourself a favor; move on. Unless you want to gamble and let your feelings be played with.

7. Pay attention to your instincts and deal breakers

If you are talking to someone and one of your non-negotiables is constantly rearing its head, then that’s a sign that you need to stop talking to this person. If it is clear that you are not compatible, there is no time to fear starting over or whatever may be going through your mind. Just move on.

8. Choose your talking stage guideline

When it comes to how long the talking stage should last, it’s important to let your intuition guide you. Of course, it shouldn’t be prolonged, but there should be a mutual desire to move towards the next stage (or not) over a period of time. Personally, I wouldn’t expect to still be in the talking stage after 8 weeks (with intense communication). However, do what’s best for you.

9. Get a life

The world does not revolve around the person you’re talking with. Hang out with your friends, make new friends, take your career to the next level, work out and do other things to get yourself occupied while you improve yourself.

10. The talking stage is not a do or die affair

Not every talking stage will lead to a serious relationship. Whether you both have good intentions or not. Some talking stage can lead to business deals. And don’t think because one talking stage didn’t work out, you wouldn’t want to try it out again.

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I’ve realized that the talking stage is not as complicated as some people make it out to be.

If you made it this far, you deserve some accolades. I hope you’ve learnt a thing or two from this post.

So what are your thoughts on the talking stage. Have you tried it? Do you embrace it or are you tired of it? Let me know in the comments.

Yours truly, Grace ♡