Do we really need closure?

Imagine a long-term friendship or relationship ending abruptly sad, and leaving the room filled with assumptions or even bland.

What do you do? How do you react?

In situations like this, many people seek closure.

The word ‘closure’ is really popular, so I’m sure you’re familiar with it.

If you’re not, I’ll enlighten you in this post.

A social psychologist Arie Kruglanski coined the phrase “need for closure” in the 1990s, which refers to a framework for decision-making that aims to find an answer on a given topic that will alleviate confusion and ambiguity.

Okay, that might be a lot of words.

In simple terms, closure refers to the desire or motivation to have a definite answer or knowledge instead of uncertainty or doubt. (Source: psychology.ireseachnet.com)

The need for closure doesn’t just apply to romantic relationship breakups, it also applies to, the loss of friendships, a loved one, a job, or literally any situation that didn’t end well.

So closure is basically addressing the situation to know the reason why that particular situation happened.

Sometimes closure helps with the healing or moving on process. While sometimes it makes things worse.

Your motive for the need for closure will determine if it’s best to seek closure or just let things be.

And of course, certain situations can trigger the need for closure.

For the most part of my life, I ran away from closure.

I didn’t see the need to know why an event or situation happened. Although I might have a few questions and thoughts in my head, I never saw the need to address them, I just let assumptions do their thing, and it goes off at some point.

I’m a wild thinker so a lot goes on in my mind and head. And words could cut me deep, so if I could avoid hearing something, I would.

But more recently, I seek the need for closure in some situations because it just helps to clear doubts and uncertainties.

To be honest, it does wonders for me sometimes.

Recently I had closure on a long-term friendship that ended abruptly, and I was glad to discover a lot of things that actually happened in the past.

While some of my assumptions were absolutely right and some were false, having the conversation helped me feel a lot better and more certain about why things ended the way they did.

And of course, it cleared the air and bad blood that might have existed subconsciously between us.

Some people need closure for different reasons. It could be because what was lost was valuable to them.

While some people just want to know who was at fault and who wasn’t in that situation.

While that might be a valid reason, you might never find out if you don’t seek closure.

Now before you run off to seek closure for every situation or relationship that didn’t end well, be sure you’re open to accepting the truth, and whatever it brings.

Be ready to have a conversation with an open mind, and not be in a hurry to play the victim card or try to emotionally blackmail someone.

But then, sometimes you don’t need closure, you just have to let it go.

When I ended a past relationship, I didn’t see the need for closure, not because the closure wasn’t necessary but because it was just too painful to phantom, and I knew the chances of us getting back together might be futile.

So instead of seeking closure that could damage things further, I let it go.

Closure can be complicated and extremely painful. It could open up old wounds and you’ll have to start the healing process from the start.

So if you think you can’t handle closure, you might just be right.

Some events and situations happen for a reason. God has a reason for everything, even though it might not make sense to us at the time.

Well, at the end of the day, some things are not meant to be.

Remember to respect people’s decision not to indulge in the closure, especially if they’re not comfortable with it.

So whether you gain closure or not, it might or might not change a thing.

Keep living your best life. Most importantly, learn from your past experiences and you’ll be fine.