Reciprocity

I recently read a thought-provoking newsletter from Nedra Glover. I always look forward to receiving her weekly insights, and this particular edition about relationship reciprocity struck a chord with me.

In the newsletter, Nedra discussed how people often expect to be treated the same way they treat others. This expectation extends across various types of relationships, including family, friends, and romantic partners. However, she pointed out that such expectations aren’t always realistic or necessary.

Personally, I’ve never been the type to not reciprocate every kind of energy I receive, not when it’s negative though. It’s just natural to me.

I’m the ‘if you are kind to me, I’ll be extra kind to you kind of person’. And it’s fulfilling in a way.

When the energy is negative, I will most likely not reciprocate that unless it’s a reoccurring negative energy (that’s petty Grace…lol).

Pop culture often suggests that failing to mirror the behavior of others can lead to unfavorable outcomes.

For example, there’s the common sentiment: “If they don’t call me, I won’t call them.” But I don’t always subscribe to this mindset.

If someone comes to mind, I reach out, regardless of who initiated the last contact. I don’t get tired of being the one to reach out first if I feel it’s right.

I don’t keep score on who calls or texts more frequently because I understand how busy life can get. But I realize not many people understand this.

However, I do approach romantic relationships a bit differently, where reciprocity plays a more significant role for me.

But then, it’s interesting how negative energy is more readily reciprocated than positive energy.

People often feel compelled to retaliate against bad behavior but hesitate to initiate kindness without a guaranteed return.

Yet, relationships don’t have to be perfectly balanced.

I think we should always remember that people are wired differently. Not everyone approaches relationships the same way, and that’s okay.

Also, people can only be there for us as much as their capacity can allow. That doesn’t make them bad people; it just means we relate differently.

Some people naturally give more, while others might need more prompting to reciprocate.

If you feel the need for more reciprocity in a relationship, it’s perfectly fine to ask for it or drop hints. Communication is key to ensuring that your needs are understood and met.

But then, I don’t think ‘all’ actions should be exactly reciprocated. If that is the case, it takes away the real act of kindness and makes it more transactional.

Of course, some relationships are so one-sided that it’s healthy to step back and do less. It’s important to recognize when you’re investing in a relationship that isn’t mutually beneficial (it doesn’t always has to be though).

So, next time you think about contacting someone (an old friend, a relative, colleague, etc), let go of the notion that you must wait for them to initiate the conversation.

Don’t worry about who reached out last.

And try to avoid the ‘you forgot me’ or ‘so you remember me’ line. Lol.

So let me know in the comments: are you big on reciprocity, or are you willing to keep doing things that might not be reciprocated?